In Denial.
Friday, April 18, 2008
We started filming yesterday; filming each other for my vLog. It’s nothing special, just a camcorder passed between friends--and still I find that I’ve become more self-conscious.
Whenever there’s a camera around, I can’t help but feel like I’ve got to be something more than myself. I’ve got to be grand—I’ve got to be a ham… But then, because I put so much unnecessary pressure on myself, I just end up looking uncomfortable. When I watch the footage back, I think, “Shit, do I really sound like that?” …And I know that I do.
Maybe I’ll grow to be comfortable… Indiscriminately comfortable… Regardless of the circumstances. Maybe I’ll grow to be the titan I expect myself to be… But probably not.
I think it’s a road best walked in the opposite direction—best to seek humility and to accept myself for who I am. Hopefully this whole camcorder experiment can help me to do that. And if not, I can always edit out the parts of my life that fall short.
Denial... It’s the human condition…
posted by Ronnie @ 2:05 PM
10 Comments:
If I may speak for all of your real fans out there. Don't worry, we love you no matter what.
Ah, I am the same way when a camera is put on me too.
why does everyone always feel they need to impress, be better somehow. delusions are a bitch and you sholdnt buy into them, because eventually your true self with surface and thats going to be a good time, I kinda cant wait.
ahh im a total ham for the camera myself.
my myspace photos prove that.
&if they dont, the videos my friends have of me sure do.
its okay, we love ya anyway.
XD
I think we all put on a front for the camera at some point. Think of taking pictures and someone says SMILE! even if your not. Thats sorta the same thing. We all concentrate on how we are perceived by other people WAY too much. Who cares what other people think??? Try saying that over and over in your head once the camera is turned on..... and the others are right, we still love ya!!!! no matter what :)
I think I'm an accidental ham.
And oh my, that dogger. I want to bite its cute face off.
learn to love yourself ronnie, love yourself in order to be loved, EVEN more, everyone's selfconscious and lives in denial, its just a matter of looking at the glass half empty or half full (phrase overheard, but never really put into action that many times).
I believe that people would be lying if they said that at one point they have had this same complex. Don't fret.
I believe that people would be lying if they said that at one point they have had this same complex. Don't fret.
I was talking with a dear friend of mine, the girl of my dreams, a couple days ago about issues between me and her. Later on, I shared the conversation when talking with a friend about it and he pointed out that something I said to her sounded like it should be in a song.
"You're in denial, I hope you see. Denying what is real for what is make believe."
Different context but same condition. Just felt like sharing!
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