Mystery Pills

Flex keeps pill bottles all over the house, and it's become something of a joke.  We call them his "mystery" pills, because none of us know what they do, and even though he'll tell you otherwise, Flex doesn't really know what they do, either.

While cleaning the house today, I decided to take one of them, and now I find myself feeling all at once inspired, anxious, powerful and yet somehow dangerously unstable.  Because I'm done cleaning the house, and because I still have nervous energy, I've started cleaning my computer hard drive.

Amidst the thousands of truncated documents, I found this:

"Miss somebody so desperately that you feel it in the corners of your eyes like tears, but there are none, and in the top of your throat like something to swallow, but there is nothing, and in your chest like a bruise.  Let the pain of that loneliness keep you awake at night, awake on the side of some freeway, somewhere, and let the cars drive by and hiss and whistle and think of all the places they are going to and of the people they’re going home to and think of how you are going nowhere and fast.  Then call her, and hear her voice like something very real and close and be hurt together."

I wrote that while on tour.  Now, a lot of people have been asking when I'll be going back out on the road, and let me say here and now that no amount of mystery pills, beer or money would ever make me want to go back there.

What We Eat, Who We Are

Each and every last thing you put into your body becomes a part of you, if only for an hour, if only for a moment. Even those things you didn’t really mean to put in your body, the ones that give you diarrhea and cause vomit—even they become a small part of you. From apples to zucchinis, aspirin to Zoloft, we’re all getting high all the time, and most of us don’t even know it.

Most of us eat what tastes right, smoke and drink and swallow anything we’re told to, and breath the only air we know of. Most of us don’t pay mind to saturated fats, hydrogenated oils, or any of the many known carcinogens. In short, we’re abusing our own bodies.

For example, I recently noticed that I had become dependent on Caffeine. I couldn’t get out of bed without a cup of coffee. Then, one cup turned into two, and I switched from coffee to carbonated energy drinks. Before I knew it, I wasn’t sleeping at night, and I couldn’t function during the day without my fix.

Yesterday, I cut myself off cold turkey, but it hasn’t been easy. My withdrawal symptoms so far include headache, nausea, fatigue and a constant cold sweat. My body had become so accustom to caffeine that it stopped producing it’s own brew, and now, I’m paying the price for my careless consumption.

I hope that I’m preaching to the choir, but if by chance I’m not, take a moment to think about your own habits. Are you feeding yourself? Or are you fighting yourself?  It's worth thinking about...

A Short Rant

I’ll be outside enjoying the weather, perhaps I’m riding a skateboard, or maybe it’s a bike, and then as I cruise along, some guy who thinks he knows me throws a half-eaten apple out the window of his car. When that apple, ripe with inertia, finds the back of my head, makes impact and then explodes, it causes my mood to shift slightly. Later on, when I get home, I’ll log into my computer, and some kid from halfway around the world will ask me a very personal question via e-mail. Not fit to field such an invasion, I might respond with my own uncut, raw wit, and that kid may suffer some emotional bruises.  

He or she may go on to carry that original bad apple across social synapses and into new lives. And thus the cycle remains unbroken. But instead, should I go home and refuse to log onto my computer; rather, should I pick up a guitar and create art, I just may let ill air clear. So, that’s what I’m going to go do. I’m going to let the past pass, and I’m going to re-align myself with the current moment.

Done.