Mystery Pills

Flex keeps pill bottles all over the house, and it's become something of a joke.  We call them his "mystery" pills, because none of us know what they do, and even though he'll tell you otherwise, Flex doesn't really know what they do, either.

While cleaning the house today, I decided to take one of them, and now I find myself feeling all at once inspired, anxious, powerful and yet somehow dangerously unstable.  Because I'm done cleaning the house, and because I still have nervous energy, I've started cleaning my computer hard drive.

Amidst the thousands of truncated documents, I found this:

"Miss somebody so desperately that you feel it in the corners of your eyes like tears, but there are none, and in the top of your throat like something to swallow, but there is nothing, and in your chest like a bruise.  Let the pain of that loneliness keep you awake at night, awake on the side of some freeway, somewhere, and let the cars drive by and hiss and whistle and think of all the places they are going to and of the people they’re going home to and think of how you are going nowhere and fast.  Then call her, and hear her voice like something very real and close and be hurt together."

I wrote that while on tour.  Now, a lot of people have been asking when I'll be going back out on the road, and let me say here and now that no amount of mystery pills, beer or money would ever make me want to go back there.

What We Eat, Who We Are

Each and every last thing you put into your body becomes a part of you, if only for an hour, if only for a moment. Even those things you didn’t really mean to put in your body, the ones that give you diarrhea and cause vomit—even they become a small part of you. From apples to zucchinis, aspirin to Zoloft, we’re all getting high all the time, and most of us don’t even know it.

Most of us eat what tastes right, smoke and drink and swallow anything we’re told to, and breath the only air we know of. Most of us don’t pay mind to saturated fats, hydrogenated oils, or any of the many known carcinogens. In short, we’re abusing our own bodies.

For example, I recently noticed that I had become dependent on Caffeine. I couldn’t get out of bed without a cup of coffee. Then, one cup turned into two, and I switched from coffee to carbonated energy drinks. Before I knew it, I wasn’t sleeping at night, and I couldn’t function during the day without my fix.

Yesterday, I cut myself off cold turkey, but it hasn’t been easy. My withdrawal symptoms so far include headache, nausea, fatigue and a constant cold sweat. My body had become so accustom to caffeine that it stopped producing it’s own brew, and now, I’m paying the price for my careless consumption.

I hope that I’m preaching to the choir, but if by chance I’m not, take a moment to think about your own habits. Are you feeding yourself? Or are you fighting yourself?  It's worth thinking about...

A Short Rant

I’ll be outside enjoying the weather, perhaps I’m riding a skateboard, or maybe it’s a bike, and then as I cruise along, some guy who thinks he knows me throws a half-eaten apple out the window of his car. When that apple, ripe with inertia, finds the back of my head, makes impact and then explodes, it causes my mood to shift slightly. Later on, when I get home, I’ll log into my computer, and some kid from halfway around the world will ask me a very personal question via e-mail. Not fit to field such an invasion, I might respond with my own uncut, raw wit, and that kid may suffer some emotional bruises.  

He or she may go on to carry that original bad apple across social synapses and into new lives. And thus the cycle remains unbroken. But instead, should I go home and refuse to log onto my computer; rather, should I pick up a guitar and create art, I just may let ill air clear. So, that’s what I’m going to go do. I’m going to let the past pass, and I’m going to re-align myself with the current moment.

Done.

Live and Uncut

         Let me set things up like this:  the words I just typed are clicking through cyberspace...  I can hear my fingers moving across the keys, and then I hear it again, delayed through my web-cam feed.  We installed three cameras around the house, and for the next month, as I track, mix and master my album, we will be broadcasting live 24/7.

         The first day was rough, especially trying to fall asleep.  I had to lie there for an hour, knowing all the while that somebody was awake and watching me.  But eventually, I stopped thinking about it.  Showering has been a bit awkward; the same goes for bathroom breaks, but overall, it’s been surprisingly comfortable.

         Through the chat window, I’ve had the chance to meet dozens of interesting and unique people from all around the world.  It’s also allowed me to throw impromptu concerts whenever the urge strikes, and it’s nice to have companionship on demand.  I was skeptical at first, but I’m really starting to adapt.

         I don’t know how long this experiment will last.  I’ll probably turn the cameras off once the album is done, but who knows, maybe I’ll log in every now and again.  If you’d like to check in on the live feed, just click through to RonnieDayMusic.com.

         Don’t be shy.  It’s fun to lurk.

What Life Gives You

When I was growing up, I heard the same bullshit you did:  “Dream it and do it”.  My teachers all said it; my mom said it; even fictional T.V. characters weighed in; and before long, I actually started believing them.

I’d put my mind into something, and then if it didn’t work out, I’d just put some more of my mind into it.  Needless to say, I always got what I wanted…  ‘Cause when you put that much into something, you either get it, or you get sick of it.  And if you get sick of it, then you’ve won by default.

Right now, I’m putting a lot of myself into Simplify.  I’m working towards independence...  Whether I’ll get what I want, or end up looking elsewhere, I can’t say.  I’m just happy to have the challenge before me.

 When life gives you lemons, you squeeze them…

Does that work with tangerines, too?

I'll know soon...

 

Earth Day

I wake beneath cotton sheets, my head atop an organic cotton pillow.  The trailer in which I sleep has been converted from a tour-tugger into a bedroom.  It is small, and well insulated, so I don’t need any heating.  The walls are covered with hemp burlap, and the carpeting is recycled.  

Molly (my pug dog) sleeps by my side, and as I open my eyes she gives me a few quick kisses.  She’s small, so I help her down the step and we both walk inside.

We find Puggy (my other dog) sleeping on the deck, and he joins the caravan.  Then, the three of us climb into the shower where I wash the dogs and quickly dry them off.  Afterwards, I jump back in to rinse the fur from my hands and feet.

I bought some new soap, and looking at the packaging, I’m pleased to see the various eco-friendly stamps and labels.  It feels good to know that you’re working towards an ideal.

I wonder what people would feel like 

if they were confronted with these images more often.  

And then I consider a more imperative quandary:  

Would they change their habits if the costs of their consumption 

were no longer hidden?

I know that people are busy.  But really, if you’re posting pictures of yourself on Myspace, and videos on Youtube…  If you’re reading other people’s blogs (you are)…  And if you’re gossiping about what you’ve seen going on, then you must care about the world outside of yourself.

Even 'fashionistas' have the wherewithal to track trends and discipline enough to follow them...  If we take time each day to think, I’m sure all of us can find something worth changing.

It’s Earth Day, so I’m going to grab a Burrito, ponder and celebrate.

I hope you’ll do the same!

Here’s some of the stuff mentioned above:

Green Guides:

-The Green Guide

-National Geographic’s free web-resource for living green.

Pillows:

-Eco Bedroom

-No chemicals, no bleach and cruelty free filling called “Pure Grow Wool”.

-Rawganique

-100% organic filling available in three different lofts.

Cruelty-Free Soaps, etc:

-Peta2 List

-A large list of various products which I haven’t actually read…

-http://www.chooseveg.com/animal-cruelty.asp

Misc:

-http://www.gaiam.com/

-Anything from yoga & fitness supplies to organic household goods and sustainable living tools.

-http://www.google.com 

-Search for more…  Educate yourself!

<>/steps off soap box<>

Free Falling

I’m in free fall and nobody knows it, yet.  For months I had been pacing around up there, between the edge and the path down. That single moment of my life stretched on, and as I stood in contemplation, the world rushed past me.

Do I go to school?

Should I sign to another label?

Or do I have the conviction and confidence necessary to forge my own fate?

I knew what I had to do...  What I would eventually do...  But I needed time to gather my strength.  And then, a few weeks ago, I took the plunge.

To quote a famous poet we all know and love:

"I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.”

...I don’t want to give the wrong impression, though...  

I'm talking tough...  But really, this isn't a road that I plan on walking alone.  I hope to create the infrastructures necessary to develop a community in which anyone can become involved.  Most importantly, I want this involvement to hold significance on a personal level.

Am I being too cryptic?  Maybe so...  

I promise that all of this will take shape with time, but for now, I just want to make it clear that something (simplify) is coming.  

It’s like I said…

I’m in free fall and nobody knows it, yet.

In Denial.

We started filming yesterday; filming each other for my vLog.  It’s nothing special, just a camcorder passed between friends--and still I find that I’ve become more self-conscious.

Whenever there’s a camera around, I can’t help but feel like I’ve got to be something more than myself.  I’ve got to be grand—I’ve got to be a ham…  But then, because I put so much unnecessary pressure on myself, I just end up looking uncomfortable.  When I watch the footage back, I think, “Shit, do I really sound like that?”  …And I know that I do.

Maybe I’ll grow to be comfortable…  Indiscriminately comfortable…  Regardless of the circumstances.  Maybe I’ll grow to be the titan I expect myself to be…  But probably not.

I think it’s a road best walked in the opposite direction—best to seek humility and to accept myself for who I am.  Hopefully this whole camcorder experiment can help me to do that.  And if not, I can always edit out the parts of my life that fall short.  

Denial...  It’s the human condition…

Life and Death

It’s late, and I’ve been working on the computer all day.  My eyes are tired.  My neck is soar.  I pack my bag, put on my sweater, and turn off all the lights.  Then, I walk into the night and mount my bicycle.

Every night I ride five miles across town to the room I sleep in.  It’s not convenient, but it helps to keep me grounded; it forces me to step back from technology and embrace my humanity...

Tonight, because I’ve worked so hard, I’m a bit tired.  My legs feel numb, and my hands are cold as they grip the bars.  The cars that pass me look warm inside, while a frosty wind bites at my face.  To keep my mind occupied, I chew on my sweater.

I accidentally pull a thread from the fabric, and roll it in my mouth.  I grow tired of the string and decide it's time to spit it out.  That’s when it happens...

As I turn my head and spit, I startle two cats by the curb...  In one instant I see them having sex.  Then, in the next they’ve torn apart, and as both cats dart across the road, a passing car narrowly misses hitting them.

By chance, I nearly brought death upon two lovers.  I imagine the scene, both of them there, down in the street, kissing and licking and fucking.  Then, I come along and bring with me mass-bloodshed.

Recently I’ve been thinking about mass-bloodshed, too—about the unfortunate people of Sudan and their drought.  These are people who have contributed negligibly to pollution, and yet it seems they’ve become the first victims of global warming.

Sometimes mistakes just happen…  Sure…  But if you ask me, I think we should all be a lot more careful about where and when we decide to spit.  Sometimes it really is a matter of life and death.  I think the people of Sudan would agree, and I know the two cats would say so.

People of the Web,

If you’re still interested in reading these words, I’d like to thank you for your patience. I’ve been one year in my absence… A year within myself… And after taking stock of my life, I’m ready to transition back into a more public role.

This past year was time that I needed for my own health and growth, both as a person and as an artist. Sometimes change becomes a bit overwhelming, and this has been one of those times.

Someday, when I feel like sharing the details, you’ll hear all about broken hearts, pregnancies, psych wards, and divorces. But for now, I’d rather hold onto some of those things. I won’t be too much of a mystery, anyhow.

The whole ordeal has been set to song… Hundreds of songs… And I’m in the process of recording them, now. I can’t say how long this will take. I can only say that the wheels are rolling.

I hope you’ll continue to support me through this transition, and if you never supported me in the first place, this might be a perfect time to start.

Here’s to change,
And a better tomorrow,

Love.